I am always amazed at how defensive I feel then I am about to go into an IEP or other similar type of meeting. Although I communicate regularly with Squidget’s teacher, our IEP meetings are only once a year unless it becomes clear that we need to institute a change in the interim. As you can imagine the list of issues can get pretty long in that amount of time, as well as the list of notable progress, but not knowing where the balance in all of that is provokes me to find my gloves, just in case I need them.

 My nerves were a little frazzled because I had just received Squidget’s report card. While he met or exceeded (mostly exceeded) every academic standard, there was a dramatic (of 50%+) decline in the social and behavioral expectations, and that decline started very pointedly in mid-November. Without question this decline is DIRECTLY related to a change in drug therapy for his ADHD, and that makes me want to protect him even more, because he does not have the option to control that in any way.

 Another factor that weighed heavily on my mind was the observation that over the last few months he has had a supplemental teacher or two that have instructed him in a way that made me want to step into the ring. His homeroom teacher is with him 85% of the time and she is absolutely WONDERFUL with Squidget and the class as a whole. She seems to understand that if something isn’t working there needs to be another approach; she thinks outside of the box; she is clever and creative; she is empathetic and has a big heart and valiant soul. I am endlessly grateful for her presence in Squidget’s life! But she can’t be with him all the time and the hard truth is that while Squidget has been blessed with amazing teachers thus far, he will undoubtedly experience one or two that just don’t “get him”. The trend seems to be trying to find different ways to discipline rather than finding different ways to redirect. These are not bad teachers; rather I believe them to be uninformed.

 I know that Asperger’s in particular can be difficult to grasp. My child looks “normal” and he has the wits and the size of kids 2-4 years older than him; the consequence is that he is expected to behave like a 3^rd grader and when he doesn’t it is perceived that is a discipline problem. I get the same response from random people at the grocery store when we are in a full blow meltdown – they simply think that it is bad parenting, as if there is no general on duty. But discipline is not a cure for Autism. It just doesn’t work that way. Quite frankly I have gotten over caring about what outsiders think about that, but I do care about how people who regularly interact with my child respond to a medical condition.

 So I did walk into our meeting with a defensive stance, but I also know that keeping the peace is imperative for the long term so I have to let it go long enough to really listen and talk through our checkpoints. Mama bear is ready to pounce, but I know better than to do so without provocation. And that restraint is what I am exceedingly grateful for today. Once again I am sitting here amazed by how blessed we are to have such a strong cooperative team with Squidget’s best interests at heart (I know a good many others who have not been as fortunate). Everyone understood the impact that the medication change had and they were all willing to note it without basing progress on it. His meds have since been changed and although we are still working out the dosage kinks the positive results are quite obvious. I was (respectfully) able to express my concerns over some of approaches that Squidget’s alternate teachers were taking; and we cooperatively came up with some really positive solutions.

 I am actually grateful that I feel so defensive before our meetings because it gives me an opportunity to work out rational arguments and make more articulate points on how to handle a given conversation. My job is to be Squidget’s advocate and that is two sided. It is imperative that I can filter through the issues to focus on things that we can change / work on while impressing upon the others that there are some things that are out of our control. Sometimes Squidget is just a boy with 7 year old impulses and that needs to be addressed; some areas of concern can be approached collaboratively with his Occupational Therapist and Speech Pathologists (who run his social group); sometimes he is fighting the side effects of medication and / or struggling with the efficacy of said medication; and sometimes people need to be reminded of what HIS day is like, how he feels inside, how sensory issues can alter EVERYTHING, how finding alternate approaches really CAN make the difference.

Overall, I am happy to report that our meeting was a success. He has made SO many strides since this time last year. Continuing on this path will undoubtedly prove helpful over time. We are all so proud of him because he works harder at this than all of us.

 IEP meeting behind us, I had the pleasure of a very notable measure of success. Squidget was in a Christmas Program this week at school with all of the 1^st – 3^rd graders (over 200 kids). He was packed in like a sardine on a stage much too small to handle 3 full grades. For a solid 35 minutes he performed his heart out and THAT trumped everything. There was nothing to be defensive about in this moment. He warmed EVERY last piece of my heart. He sang with fervor, he had coordinated hand movements, he followed the program, he was working WITH his classmates, and he made me SOOOOO proud. He is a star player and I am honored to serve on his defensive team any day of the week, whatever it takes to help him win.